Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I want to get out of here

I don't have a job, I'm not particularly attached to being around my family all the time, and other than a few dedicated friends in the area, I don't have a huge attachment to a lot of people around me.  I have roughly 800 dollars in my bank account.  I want a change.  But I don't think I'm capable of doing it myself.  These are the things that keep me awake.  Do I just go for broke, or play it safe and steady?  If I do leave, how will I meet new people? Will I? Can I make a career out there in the big, bad world, or should I just find a job nearby?  What do I even want as a career? At what point do I just give up on my dreams?  I don't have an answer to any of these questions, and it's driving me crazy.  It's easy to see what my family expects out of me: get a job, move out of this pre-adult stage, stop getting wasted, and move back towards being a member of society.  But I don't want just a "job." I want something I can enjoy or can lead towards a career.  If I merely wanted a job, I could have had one over and over again, by settling for whatever sales or office position was available.  But I don't.  Is it foolish? Probably, but I get complacent easily, and if I am complacent, I don't push myself.  I do what I've done so many times in the past: work at a level of incredible mediocrity.  So I can sit here in my dad's basement, staying up until  or six in the morning and sleeping until the afternoon, surfing the internet and listening to music, wondering these questions.  Or I can do something about it.  But for the life of me, I don't know what I can do.  So I do just sit here.  And watch life flow around me, wondering what stops me from being like everyone else.


  1. To do well in the world sometimes its better to do a rotten job for a while just to get some money together. All the time look to things that you fancy doing and try that. Its not easy doing your thing in this world lol.

  2. Growing up sucks. We almost all go through it. You'll make it

  3. "At what point do I just give up on my dreams?"
    Who says you have to? Find a career that gives you some free time and keep on pursuing them.

  4. we've all had that feeling...

  5. Fuck the bullshit man.
    Give up on your dreams. Give up on this idea of a lucrative enjoyable 'career'. It's not going to happen - even if it does you'll probably fuck it up by getting wasted all the time and puking on drumsets and ruining thousands of quids's worth of equipment et cetera.
    That said, take your eight hundred bucks and hit the fucking road. Be a bum for a year or two. Stay up until 6AM and stay wasted.
    If nothing comes of it you can move back home (assuming your Dad will have you back).

    In other news Zombie nominated me in some bullshit blog award scam so I put you in my ten mentions. It says I have to tell you so I have. Enjoy.

    [I totally mean that advice by the way - do SOMETHING drastic at least.]

  6. Thanks guys for all the words of support. And Lol, Pryon. You're probably right. And thanks for the promotional plug.