Depression has gotten me no where

And I'm sick of it. Dear readers, it seems like I only blog on the precipice of being in a shitty mood. Which sucks. For me, because it helps very little, and for you, because no one enjoys a pity party. This blog is my rant zone; I feel comfortable venting to everyone who steps foot here, mainly because I can mention anything about anyone and no one knows who I'm talking about. It's nice. But I feel like I have begun taking advantage of that. Like I'm looking for people to take pity on me, try and help me, when I really need someone to kick my ass until I get shit done. But I've got enough of that. But, I'm still going to fill you in, dear reader, about a situation that has been bothering me recently.

I've been friends with a guy since I moved to the little hick ass town I live in now, 12 years ago this June. He has very few friends from here. Or very few friends in general. He dresses differently (Kind of pseudo-goth), which always made me think that people just hated him for being different. Then, we became adults. I went to college, he didn't (not that there is anything wrong with that). He's married, and lives in the same trailer his parents owned when he was in high school. He started smoking pot after high school. A year ago, a mutual friend started smoking pot again with him. I do not give any sort of shit about use of controlled substances unless addiction is involved (obviously, I'm a prolific drinker). But they have this elitist attitude towards it. They just hang out together, and hot box whoever's place they are hanging at (Usually the latter friend). And the first guy, for now, we'll call him Jay, leeches everything off of the other guy, Beez. Jay is incredibly confrontational, and argues regardless of whether he's right or not. And I find myself blackballed by him because of an argument.

I wouldn't usually give to much of a shit, Jay and I have moved well away from each other at this point and I only hang out with him if he shows up at Beez's house. But he has been turning Beez even more inward, and away from other friends based on their marijuana consumption. Beez has pulled away from everyone else in the past few months except for Jay. And the escalation happened last week. Another Friend and I were walking down the street at night when our friend JB pulled up in his motorcycle. He lives a town over, and we go over there to hang out, but he rarely, if ever, comes to where we are (unreliable transportation). Turns out, he was invited over to beez's house to watch some movies. When me and my other friend were talking to Beez earlier seeing what he was up to. He told us he had to work. But he was hanging out with Jay. I don't want to be a fucking drama queen, I mean jesus, I'm a few weeks away from 25 years old, but it upset me. Beez is one of my best friends, and he's been blowing me off based on the opinion of Jay, for months. Who said, and I quote, I was a "square who put off bad vibes. And was butthurt." Is that a decent reason for blowing someone off? Just because they want to hotbox the entire fucking place? I don't smoke much anymore, but I don't care if people do it around me. But I feel rejected. From someone who was supposed to be one of my best friends.

Maybe this post is immature, or childish, but I'm pretty upset. I needed to vent that shit out. Just even if to not keep it in. I don't want to lose my friend, but I don't want to cave in to an immature doucher.