Nothing, nothing, shocks the system like an unexpected death. Those of you who have been around for a while on my blog may remember Back In March when I found out a Residential Adviser I had at college died in the line of duty (he was a police officer). Well, today I found out another person I went to college with died. His name was Adam, and he died in a house fire. He was one of the first friends I made attending college.
Like so many friends I've had over the years, we lost touch. We lived in the same dorm, on the same floor, for two years. We'd hang out, eat together, and on a few occasions I saw him perform in plays on campus (he was a Theater major). He could be sardonic at times (can't we all?), but he was a good person. I occasionally caught up on his goings on after college: he was a community activist and a substitute teacher. He organized protests and participated in theater productions. I lament the losing touch with him. It's funny; I woke up this morning having no thoughts about him, and now, as I'm getting ready for bed, I can't stop thinking about him. He died getting his roommates out of the house.
Fuuuuuck. I can't really think of anything else to say here. So sudden and abrupt. I mean, we're the same age. I've been grasping at straws to try and figure out what I'm doing, and shit, life's fragile. I hate these thoughts. I don't like focusing on myself at these times, just honor the memory of the deceased, but goddamn if it doesn't get me thinking. I could get in my car tomorrow, drive to my shitty job, and get t-boned on the highway and that'd be that. And what would I have to show for it? I've seen a multitude of posts on his facebook page from people who knew him, and all the things they are saying about who he was, how great of a person he was, and how hard he was fighting for what he believed in, and trying to make a difference in the world. Here I sit, haunted by a specter of purpose and drive, wondering what to do. Shit, I need a drink.