There is no sense left in my life. I am adrift in an ocean, lost to civilization

Part three of my favorite albums is being pushed back.  A buddy of mine gave me some new music, so I'm re-analyzing my picks for the last part due to some awesome shit I've been listening to.  Won't be too much longer.  I know you're all waiting with bated breath.

I feel like I am nearing the end of my rope.  It could be because I'm wrecked on wine right now, well, wine and Jameson, but this is just getting tedious.  I'm trying to de-puzzle an acquaintance of mine, who has appeared in previous posts, mostly during the summer.  I feel like I've got a chance here, but every time I go in for the kill so to speak, something goes fucking wrong, usually something outside of my control.  She lost her job today, not her fault, they just couldn't keep her on, so she's bummed as hell.  So I missed an opportunity to comfort her last night because I had to fucking work today.  Now, I just want to give her the christmas present I got her, but she's not answering.  Normally, I wouldn't give it two fucks, I'll give it to her eventually, but like I said, I'm wrecked on wine right now, and when I'm wrecked on wine, every pretense of me being a rational human being is gone.  I am a gibbering monster.  I am a insatiable beast of burden, carrying loads of emotional toil through the lifeless desert until I eventually die.  I am the bitter recriminations of life, creeping towards it's own destruction.  I am self-loathing personified.  That is my fate, like the fate of all creatures.  I am the self-doubt that causes you to lock yourself within a cocoon of isolation, emerging a withered husk of your former self.