Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Why, Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.

Yes.  I know where that title came from.  It isn't witty, it isn't sharp, but right now, I feel like every bit of creativity and the very spark of life has been drained from me.  Tomorrow, I have to get up at the same time, and do the same thing.  Then the next day.  And the day after that.  And probably the day after that.  I am now supposed to work on days surrounding christmas and new years that we were supposed to have off, as of the beginning of 2011, when the calendar was decided.  They pad days off around holidays, but instead, I have to work the 23rd and the 26th, meaning that that weekend is gone to shit because I will only have time for my family stuff.  No sleeping in, no writing, none of the stuff I wanted to do over a long weekend.  Same goes for the 30th and the 2nd of january.  I have a New Year's party to attend, so other than that, that weekend's booked up, which really sucks because I was going to have people over on the 2nd to watch Wisconsin play in the Rose Bowl.  Unfortunately, i work until an hour before kick off, so at most, I can only have a few people over instead of the awesome football party that was in the works.

So, I feel kind of shitty posting that.  Oh, yes, my problem is I'm making TOO MUCH MONEY! There are people who don't even have jobs! What is wrong here! Yeah, I'm liable to agree.  First world problems and all that shit.  But, I could very much use a few days to destroy my sense of entrapment within the confines of a prison within my mind.

Of course, the dismay does not necessarily end there.  So, I've started looking for a new job.  One that pays well and may actually utilize my degree that I pissed so much money on.  Of course, I have a very poor frame of reference for what I can and cannot do, so after looking nearby, I throw some words into the search engine at Monster and see what shits out.  Including creative writing.  Which gave me some interesting, infuriating results.  Through a process, I found out some startling things.  If I had my master's degree, or was pursuing it at the moment, like I had envisioned a few years ago, I could have the job I wanted.  Teaching.  At a college.  I found a dozen, and it's fucking December.  I'm sure more pop up in the spring preparing to fill vacancies for the fall semester.  And here I am, because 1) I cannot afford it, and 2) my dad cannot co-sign another student loan.  It's right outside of my fucking grasp.  So frustrating when the beginning of everything I want is right over my head, but I just cannot reach it.  Fuck, my life is so incredibly unfulfilled.

Anyway, albums of the year part two should be finished later this week, and part three will be ready next week.  But here's something to tide you over:

4 comments:

  1. That sucks a lot. Be sure to find a new job before leaving this one. Don't you have any vacation time or "sick" days you can use up? Everyone gets ill at Christmas.

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  2. I agree with you! You shouldn't feel bad posting that! Sure I don't have a job and really want one, but I know once I get one I will feel like you! I wont have time to be creative and my weekends will be taken up with obligations to others! It will suck! I envy uncreative people sometimes. They only need to work on their jobs and personal lives! They have no extra spark in them that needs to be attended to!

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